12 months, 365 days. 525,600 minutes. 

The exact measurement of time that has passed since my family’s life as we knew it changed.

October 22, 2014 I was sitting in a pediatric medicine class with no less than 60 other people when my cell phone rang and my brother’s name and picture popped up on my iPhone. My stomach immediately sank and my heart knew that this day would be the beginning of a new life for my family.  To this day I can still pull up that exact phone record and see the time, length and exact second that I last heard my brother’s voice before the entire dynamics of life as we knew it changed. That 3 second phone call that was simply an “I love you kiddo.” and a click is one that I can still hear and remember to this day.

I went back into class, asked for prayers on Facebook and truly believed in my heart that by the end of the week my brother, sister-in-law and niece would be not only back in Texas but in West Texas, where we had only dreamed that we would both end up living once again. I whole heartedly expected a phone call from my brother later that morning saying that the nightmare was over and behind us. That phone call never came. 

I’m not writing this today to recap that day at Nisur Square, or the trial or the fight we are currently in for justice and to get these 4 heros reunited with their families where they belong. Chances are if you’re reading this you know the story, you’ve visited the http://www.supportraven23.com website, you’ve written letters to Judge Lamberth, and you’ve supported, loved and held myself and family up through this journey. And for that, we are incredibly thankful and blessed to have the best community, family and friends in our life.  I’m simply writing this to recap on the events that occurred on a personal level one year ago today.  Those of you who know me closely or work with me know how I function, how I tick. I am the worlds worst about keeping things together and under control until the very moment when everything builds up and I simply can’t anymore. Today is that day. I scheduled myself off  today like I did because I knew today there would be tears, sadness and moments of extreme anger that is enough to completely consume a person. I knew that I needed this day, to cry, scream and proclaim in my mind no less that 932 times that this is not fair. That my government let us down. That the justice system in one big lie. That somethings in life are.not.fair.

Like my last post proclaimed tomorrow is a new day. And with that new day will come a new better attitude and the return of my positivity. Tomorrow I will wake up, get dressed and go out into the world like I do everyday and keep the faith and pray for the day when this nightmare is over, in the past and four heroes are reunited with their wives, parents, children and siblings. And what a glorious day that will be.

-Laura.

[[ http://www.supportraven23.com]]

So today was in the words of Alexander  a ” Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.”

Okay so maybe it wasn’t that bad but still it wasn’t pleasant, by any means. It never fails that bad days are followed by feelings of failure, anxiety and doubt. It is on these days that I am actually thankful for my 40 min. commute to and from work as it gives me time to reflect on my day and the events that occurred. The conclusion of today’s long drive home served as the inspiration on this post, as  today was in one word stressful.

I do not, nor have I ever claimed to be a perfectionist. I’m the farthest thing from what we so commonly refer to as “OCD” and most of the time I can convince myself of this lie, except for days like today. From the moment I awoke this morning nothing went “my” way, and it immediately started eating away at me. Thus my black cloud metaphor came into play, and surprise, surprise guess what followed me into work? You guessed it, that metaphorically demonic black cloud.  I am a nurse. My job is naturally stressful, and I love it. It’s actually one of my favorite things about working in medicine, it’s the adrenaline rush, the unexpected, the thrill. But today no matter what calls I made or thing I did, I felt that little black cloud come in and bring with it those feelings of failure, even when I knew that  that wasn’t the case at all.  So many days I face doubts at work, was I the best nurse today? Patient Advocate? Charge nurse? Mentor? Teammate? Leader? The list could literally go on and on. Typically, I can do a quick rundown of my day in my brain, realize that I did everything I could, pin point areas to improve on, clock out, get on the elevator and leave it all at work. This was  obviously not the case today.  I know these feelings are 100% natural especially being new to my current position however some days, like today they are pronounced and weigh heavily.  Especially on days when everything that could go wrong did.

As much as I loath bad days and the gloomy feelings the bring I’m also thankful for them. Without bad days how could I ever appreciate the good days? How could I ever learn or grow to be a better nurse, leader or human being in general? I couldn’t, point-blank, easy peasy, simple. The truth is we need bad days, we need black clouds hovering over us, we need chances to step back and reevaluate our days, and we need shortcomings to make us better.  And lastly and possibly more importantly I need bad days to make me appreciate the good.

With that said, here’s to those  better days ahead<3

-||Laura||

Hello World! After many years of  interest in a having my own blog I’ve finally decided at 0000 on October 14th to jump off the deep in and join the “blogging” community. I’ve decided to kick things off with a 24 things about myself, crash course introduction to who I am.   Because whats more fun than a list that coincides with my age?

1. I’m 24 years old. (I mean obviously)
2. I am an imperfect work in progress Christian.
3. I am from a teeny tiny town in Texas and I could not be more obsessed with the area, culture and scenery.
4. I’m a Registered Nurse at the major hospital in the region and work primarily with cancer patients.
5. I have two of the most incredible parents ever, an older brother, sister-in-law and niece who I do not deserve to call family. Seriously I am beyond blessed in the fam. department.
6. I’m also beyond blessed in the friend department. The majority of my friends are life long and make my days complete.
7. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in March of 2015.
8. I was born and raised on a ranch and can cowgirl up with extreme ease.
9. I’m also quite the high maintenance girly girl.
10. Writing 24 things about myself is proving to be harder than originally planned.
11. Music and lyrics are my therapy. I listen to music 24/7.
12. I am a lover of coffee, Netflix, Pandora, tequila, and a good time.
13. I live to brighten others days and use my education to empower and educate others. Hence why I became a nurse.
14. My mother is my best friend.
15. My father and I’s relationship can best be described as “complicated” but its an unconditional love between a father and daughter.
16. I am the proud little sister of one of the four wrongly convicted members of Raven 23. http://www.supportraven23.cm
17. I am a total people person but hate having to adult and talk to people some days. It never fails those are the days when I’m charging and am forced to speak to no less that 100 people during a 12 hour shift.
18.  Having MS has been a total nightmare emotionally and physically, but it sure is making one beautiful story and testament for my life.
19. I fall in love way to easily. Both romantically and not.
20. I constantly have my cell phone in my hand or on my body. I’m “that girl.”
21. But I suck at texting. I’ll send you the wrong text or just forget to reply for 8 hours. It’s a struggle.
22. I have two fur babies who are actually assholes who allow me to live with them in a four bedroom house.
23. I hate watching movies but am addicted to Grey’s Anatomy and the food network.
24. I love this crazy beautiful life I’ve been given. It’s tragic, it’s beautiful and most of all it’s mine. And even through it all I wouldn’t trade it for anything.