So today was in the words of Alexander a ” Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.”
Okay so maybe it wasn’t that bad but still it wasn’t pleasant, by any means. It never fails that bad days are followed by feelings of failure, anxiety and doubt. It is on these days that I am actually thankful for my 40 min. commute to and from work as it gives me time to reflect on my day and the events that occurred. The conclusion of today’s long drive home served as the inspiration on this post, as today was in one word stressful.
I do not, nor have I ever claimed to be a perfectionist. I’m the farthest thing from what we so commonly refer to as “OCD” and most of the time I can convince myself of this lie, except for days like today. From the moment I awoke this morning nothing went “my” way, and it immediately started eating away at me. Thus my black cloud metaphor came into play, and surprise, surprise guess what followed me into work? You guessed it, that metaphorically demonic black cloud. I am a nurse. My job is naturally stressful, and I love it. It’s actually one of my favorite things about working in medicine, it’s the adrenaline rush, the unexpected, the thrill. But today no matter what calls I made or thing I did, I felt that little black cloud come in and bring with it those feelings of failure, even when I knew that that wasn’t the case at all. So many days I face doubts at work, was I the best nurse today? Patient Advocate? Charge nurse? Mentor? Teammate? Leader? The list could literally go on and on. Typically, I can do a quick rundown of my day in my brain, realize that I did everything I could, pin point areas to improve on, clock out, get on the elevator and leave it all at work. This was obviously not the case today. I know these feelings are 100% natural especially being new to my current position however some days, like today they are pronounced and weigh heavily. Especially on days when everything that could go wrong did.
As much as I loath bad days and the gloomy feelings the bring I’m also thankful for them. Without bad days how could I ever appreciate the good days? How could I ever learn or grow to be a better nurse, leader or human being in general? I couldn’t, point-blank, easy peasy, simple. The truth is we need bad days, we need black clouds hovering over us, we need chances to step back and reevaluate our days, and we need shortcomings to make us better. And lastly and possibly more importantly I need bad days to make me appreciate the good.
With that said, here’s to those better days ahead<3