For the record, spilt wine and Starbucks is Ugly. Face. Cry. Worthy.

 

So I’m going to go ahead and apologize now. I feel like I only ever write on this thing when I’m feeling down. Like really down, like when it’s the bottom of the fifth and you pitch a home run for the opposing team and lose the game level of down…Woahhh can we pause and reevaluate for a second? Did I really just use baseball as a metaphor? I mean, the last (and only) baseball game I went to I asked my best friend’s husband how many quarters there were and where the cheerleaders were. (Seriously you can’t make this stuff up.) Anyways, It seems like I only ever pull out the laptop and open up the blog when I don’t know what else to do and there’s no other choice than to put everything into words, and attempt to make sense of the hott mess that is my life. So for that I apologize, I promise I really am a semi-normal, overly sassy and sarcastic girl , not some gray, Eeyore type individual that walks around with a storm cloud over her head.

Okay, back to ugly crying and sad puddles of wasted Cupcake Moscato. The last few weeks have been pretty insane in the world of Laura. By insane I mean finding out that my current job will be changing soon, experiencing some heartbreaking days that come with being a Hem/Onc nurse, ending up in the bathroom floor of the med room with a gash in my lip, a fabulous bruise and some broken teeth, some unforeseen health concerns that I was in no way shape or form expecting, and of course the usual stress that is everyone’s lives, like the first return episode of Grey’s being a total bummer. So, all of this of course, complicates things. When God handed me the MS crown he couldn’t have given me something that high stress levels improve or lesson, no, he had to give me a disease that is exacerbated by stress and fatigue. Thanks God. ( For those of you reading way into that sentence, chill it’s called humor, this is where you find the humor people.)  One of the new lovely symptoms that has graced me with it’s presence is arm weakness, and numbness that is intermittent in nature and occurs at the worst possible times (As if I wasn’t clumsy enough, once again, God has an incredible sense of humor y’all.) So this has made life around my house and job pretty interesting. Not as interesting as 2 failed shopping trips though.

Sunday night when I got off work I knew I needed to walk around for a little while before making the drive home. Sounds crazy I know, but spasticity is a strange, strange thing. So I went to every girl’s favorite vice.Target. With a venti white chocolate mocha in hand, a red target shopping basket, ear buds blasting my favorite Pandora station, and that handy always in fashion Target red card I set out for some retail therapy. About an hour in, I pick up my coffee and boom, the electric shock effect followed by numbness and severe weakness hit my left hand/arm and like a bad music video I turn the cup completely upside down in what felt like slow motion onto my phone, keys, self, and shopping basket. Just in case you were wondering what liquid sounds like when it falls through a plastic shopping basket, it sounds a lot like those huge buckets that fill with water at a water park and then dump every 3 mins or so. Seriously, it’s quite dramatic. So,  needless to say I left my favorite Target sticky and smelling like old milk,  in tears of humiliation, defeat, and anger, and fearful that I could never show my face in my favorite Target store ever again. Fast forward to Monday afternoon, I’m in Walmart this time because I’m still too embarrassed to enter a Target store just yet,  when I decide  that I need a bottle of my favorite wine to commemorate the fact that even though I have been  feeling absolutely horrible and struggling I’m still standing, still working and now I’m even grocery shopping through it all like a real functioning adult  when boom it all happens again,  except this time it’s more dramatic than ever. There’s something about glass shattering on icky Walmart tile that makes everyone stop mid sentence and stride to turn and look to see what has happened. Seriously even babies stopped crying to turn and stare.

First thought through my mind : Seriously. Why. Is. This. My. Life.

Second thought: Shit, do I still have to pay for this even though its obviously wasted? Also is it too soon and frowned upon to step over the broken glass and grabbed another bottle orrrrrr? 

Third thought: Perfect, first Target, now Walmart. Guess I’m just going to have to be one of those antisocial hermits that have everything delivered to their doors, never leave their houses and are scared of life outside of their bubble… Yeah I’m never shy on the dramatics.

In the end,the entire fiasco was nothing that a 3 min cry session in my car and a phone call to my mother couldn’t fix. I mean, let’s face it, sometimes some humility and embarrassment is good for the soul right?

What this all equals to is that no matter how much we choose to ignore things, no matter how many cable wired fences, steel walls, or trained attack dogs we put outside of our pretty glittered filled perfect pink bubbles that we try and live our lives in,  the bad things still happen. The reality still finds us. The hard things, are still hard. The bad days, are still going to occur or as in my case the lab results, imaging, symptoms , embarrassing trips to the ER in bloody scrubs and C-collars, and sticky, coffee and wine messes in major department stores will still happen. Because no amount of denial, perseverance, bargaining, or sarcasm can  make reality any less real. So people, whatever your equivalent to spilt wine is, embrace it. Cry over it, laugh over it, make fun of yourself over it and be thankful for it. Because you were chosen for this life. The good times, the hard times and the glitterful moments were hand picked for you. There’s only one you, and the world needs your best moments and your worst moments. This life is an absolute hot mess of ridiculous chaos, but it sure is glitterful.

 

With love,

Laura ❤